Even YOU can have a yoga practice.

YES YOU!

I know that for most of you the thought of yoga is scary. It's posing and bending your body in ways you think you can't do. Yoga is about time and energy that you may think you don't have. Yoga to you might be about a journey that you just don't want to take.

I'm telling you dear reader that even you can have a yoga practice. In fact, I insist on it. Yoga doesn't have to be about bending and stretching for long periods of time. It doesn't have to be about hours of commitment. It doesn't have to be scary.

Yoga for me started quite a long time ago. I took a class it was 8 weeks and I learned that my body, COULD do amazing things. I returned for part two of the class, but called it quits after only a few sessions..I have to admit that the instructor did tip the scale in me wanting to return ;) but he was very distracting with his muscles and his tone and that beach hair and the way he said things like 'bend slowly, into my direction'.....mmmmmm

where was I?

Oh yes

here, I'm right here.

I have returned to my practice in full force as some of you may know. I used to dabble in it once a month, for that special moon phase where a woman feels all glowy and wants to give her self warm baths and soft yoga...
I have actually extended it to weeks now. and I feel ALIVE. I feel better emotionally and physically then I have in YEARS! YEARS dear reader! This is huge for me.

Now I don't spend hours on my practice, because really what mum of three has that time?! I wake up at 5 as per normal, and instead of Jillian Michaels I pull out my mat and get to work. With each breath and each pose I exhale the negative and accept the positive. I make sure that I leave the anger with the exhale. I can honestly say I can't live without my practice. I can't go a day without some form of yoga.  This has brought me to a place that allows me to live like a normal person (what ever that is).

My yoga practice has given me the freedom to actually enjoy this life. I am enjoying getting up in the morning. I'm enjoying being with my kids. I'm enjoying walking to school. I'm enjoying being me again. I feel such a sense of center, it's mind blowing. I want you to enjoy life too dear reader.

I only do 30-40 minutes a day. That's all I do. I start with what I love then work my way to something new. I do it in the way I enjoy and I do the poses until my body tells me to move. This is the practice I've always wanted. I don't (sadly) have time to finish my practice with meditation...but Sunday's Quaker meetings are helping with that.

I'm telling you dear read that you don't have to move your body in ways that are scary and you don't have to spend all day on it!

Here's a few easy ones. Try a few, work your way from there! I promise you, it's going to ground you and center you and give you focus...it's a practice and it's going to take practice. So don't expect to be perfect! xo

Warrior 2

Tree Pose

Child's Pose

Happy Baby

Extended Side Angle 

Please feel free to take that arm that is on her ankle and rest is on your bent leg!

You see dear Reader, these aren't scary! and you can do them with the kids! you can do this, you will enjoy it. Don't rush, don't feel the need to be perfect, breath, don't forget to BREATH!

xo

Namaste

Gift getting, gift buying

you know, I'm really tired of these ads telling men what not to buy for women. I'm tired of seeing ads telling us what we should and shouldn't buy for kids. I'm actually tired of seeing gift guides at all.

Maybe these are helpful. maybe.

Isn't Christmas supposed to be about something more then gifts?? I thought Christmas was about spending time with family and friends, decorating a beautiful tree, eating waay too much, a walk in fresh snow (if you are lucky!). I thought Christmas was about making sparkly crafts with the kids. I thought it was a warm fire and a long snuggle. I thought it was a time of year to remember how blessed we truly are.

Sure, gift are lovely. It's always nice to know that someone thought of you. But it's not the point of the season. I really feel that if I get a gift, any gift. No matter what it is, I'm just grateful. Now don't get me wrong, I do hand in my list to Santa. But I'm in no way 1) expecting everything 2) expecting anything 3) mad at any point if Santa decides that what I really need is a blender and not a green Tiffany's box.

I have to give Hubby Santa credit, he's really really good at shopping. Really good. But I don't expect anything at Christmas. I'm happy to have the day come and know it's Christmas.

I think we're getting a little greedy as the years go one. We're getting to the point where we're ungrateful if someone buys us a gift that doesn't fit our ideal. Sure we get some weird, strange and unusual things. But seriously, someone thought about you for a minute and bought you something.

I think it's time we rethink things. Christmas isn't the season of giving and getting. It's the season to be grateful. We are so blessed. So very very blessed.

Happy Holidays?

This is the season of Christmas. Christmas. The christian holiday, where we all celebrate the birth of Jesus and buy each other pressies. That's christmas. For some people is a holiday steeped in Religion, for others its just another reason to buy gifts and spend money. No matter who you are, what color you are, what gender you are or who you love. This is Christmas. I refuse to call it by any other name then Christmas. It's not holiday season. This is Christmas season.

Can someone please tell me who is upset by this holiday? Are you? Are you Jewish, Muslum, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Pagan, or any other Religion? Are you upset that we celebrate Christmas?

What about Diwali? You know the Hinduism holiday. The one where they decorate the house with lights and paint colorful patterns and send their family cards.

What about Wesak? You know the Buddhist holiday. The one where they hang lanterns, Monks may give out blessing strings as birthday gifts and they may even exchange small gifts.

What about Baisakhi? You know the Sikhism holiday. The one where they have parades in the streets, decorate with bright orange and blue balloons and give money to charity.

What about Hanukkah? You know the Jewish holiday. The one where they light the menorah, they exchange gifts, send cards, eat special food (cooked in oil), and play special Hanukkah games.

What about Ramadan and Eid al-Fir? You know the Islamic holiday. The one where they send cards, give money to the poor, fast then eat a big meal with family (maybe friends).

Do these all sound the same? Am I offended? Should I be?

you see dear Reader, we live in a place call Earth. It is filled with people of all different color and race. It is filled with people of all different religions. It is filled with men who love men, women who love women and men and women who love each other. It is filled with a beautiful word called diversity. It's what makes this world, a world.

It doesn't matter if I celebrate Ramadan or Hanukkah. It doesn't matter if I'm gay or straight. It doesn't matter if I'm black or white.

This is Christmas. Christmas. It has always been Christmas and it always will be Christmas. So again; please dear Reader, tell me, is it YOU who is offended? if it is you who is offended. Can you tell me why? Why should this offended you when we all celebrate the same holiday? You may call it Diwali and I may call it Christmas. I may celebrate in December and you may celebrate in November. I may have a tree with lights you may have a Menorah with lights. I may eat a turkey and you might eat Samosas.

We are are all celebrating something. We are all bringing family and friends together at some point to celebrate. We all have a special time of the year that brings us together. The truth of the matter is; we just don't make a big deal about your special holidays like we do ours. Do I know why? no. Do you want Hanukkah all over our malls and shops? Do you want everyone singing Diwali songs?

To me as a Christian celebrating Christmas, I would not be offended in the least and I would actually support your cause if you wanted your holiday broadcasted for the whole world to see.

Am I off my rocker here? Why is everyone is such war over Christmas? It's Christmas!

*I'm not trying to offend anyone here, I'm just hoping to point out the crazy amount of similarity in all our holidays. I also use the world holiday because we're in 'holiday' spirit. I know some of the above 'holidays' are more festivals.*

Much love dear reader and Merry Christmas. How every you celebrate it by which ever name you call it.

xo

Thoughtful Thursday

Today I figure, being Thursday and it going well with thoughtful. Would be a good day to post something that would give you enrichment. Something that you could take with you in your pocket. Small words. Little phrase. Something thoughtful. Today is a good day to bring your thoughts present. Meaning, bring your thoughts to the now. Are you living today, or are you stuck in the past? Is your brain getting lost in the future? Are you truly living now?

I find so often our brains get stuck in over drive and we start to miss the things that are around us. How many times have you driven yourself to work, only to arrive and wonder how you got there. How many times have you wanted a drink, found yourself in the laundry room going 'what did I need?'

We need to start thinking about where we are now; and not how the next part is going to play out, or how we arrived there. In your current activity are you presently involved? When your rolling around with the kids is your brain making dinner? maybe it's thinking about the clothes that need to be put away? When your sitting and meditating, are you paying bills or balancing your check book?

When is the last time that you went for a walk and truly went for a walk? Are the birds singing? Is the wind blowing? Do you notice the color of the sky? Can you hear dogs parking? Are there children playing?  Do you notice how your feet aren't touching the cracks? Are your kids with you? Are they talking? Are you cold? Maybe your getting warm from your body being in motion?

There is so much going on in our lives, that I think we forget how to be. We are human beings after all...not human doings.

xo

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. -Buddha-

spiritual redirection

As most of you know, I've been on a hardcore quest for body perfection. I've been waking up at 5am and working my ass off. I'm not expecting a Jillian Michaels body here. It would be seriously nice, but I know that I've had three kids and four pregnancies. I know I've had them close together, and I know my body was never given the chance to 'firm up'. But I would love a body that I felt comfortable with. One that I could put on a nice dress and go 'hot'. Not 'I can't wear that, because it doesn't fit over the baby belly'

I'm not going to lie. I hate working out. There is nothing that I particularly enjoy about it. I don't enjoy waking up at 5. I don't enjoy the kids joining me. I don't enjoy having to be quiet. I don't enjoy doing it on my own. But I know if I want to loose the belly. I'm going to have to fight. I've been using a mix of Jillian Michaels, Carmen Electra and some scary valley girl who burns your abs away.

Truthfully, I only have a half hour in the morning. That's all, 30-40 minutes and I need to be done. Morning is the only time I can fit this in and the kids get up early! These videos fit the bill!

Last week when my mummy left, I really felt the need to shut the hard core workers out and bring in a little OMMMMMMM. By Wednesday with the help of Yoga, I lifted the dark cloud. I also lifted a stress cloud that sat above my head. How interesting. By Friday, I felt great. Not a little great. A lot great. Due to family and wanting to sleep, the weekends are not for working out.

Today I knew I was getting up early and I thought, right enough fluffy shit I need to get back into 'working out'. By the time I had gotten changed and down stairs, Yoga was on my mind. I pulled out my mat and stretched my way into Monday.

In order for you to see real body change with Yoga, you should be doing 3 sessions a week for 90 minutes. As I said before 40 minutes is the max for me. I'm starting to wonder if there is something more to this yoga. As I feel the veil of need for a smooth body disappearing and the want for this inner calm to go on forever. I can't think of ever going back to working out hardcore. I just love the way my day starts with stretching and moving for me. The way my arms feel after extending, the way my back feels after twisting and the way my mind feels after digging deeply into poses.

I feel just a weight off my shoulders. Like I can do this. Like this job of mummy, like getting up each morning, like taking care of others all day...can work. Like I can really really do this. I really do live in a world of ups and downs and at any moment a down can come as quickly as a high was here. So far in the past week, I've just felt steady.

Yesterday, I decided to go to my first Quaker meeting. At first it felt like a support group for religious delinquents. But after my hour of quiet and inner thoughts. I really felt lifted. I felt just as I do with Yoga. Like this is all going to be all right. Strange how the two seem to fit so well together.

I feel like I've hit a block of spiritual redirection. I must admit it feels great. I feel great. I don't know if I'll ever get that 'perfect body' but right now. In this moment. I'm okay with that. Just as I'm okay with everything else going around me. I truly feel as though I have been given a gift of clarity. In a short week, my Yoga practice has become a truly important part of my day.

I feel like I needed answers I need someone/thing to take over and I just feel blessed to of found it.

Namaste

P.S I know I'm supposed to be doing 'Christmas' posts. But felt in the spirit of Christmas that a spiritual post was fitting xo

The Christmas party

For the month of December, I'm going to do my best to post everyday...with the spirit of Christmas. Not sure if I can do it, there is only so much Christmas you can blog about!

Today the beginning of advent, starts the process for me of getting ready for a party. Tomorrow night is hubby's work party and I've been preparing all day for tomorrow. Yes you read that right. I have spent all day getting ready for tomorrow.

We have a nanny coming to watch the kids. So the house needed to be prepped. But that is the easy work, no?

Dear readers, I am a woman who loves to prepare. I need to make sure that tomorrow, there are no hiccups.  This morning, after cleaning (well tidying really) I painted my nails. A lovely shade of gray to go with my jewelry. The base coat and first coat before lunch and the finishing layers when the boys went for a rest.

I know this sounds a bit nuts. As much as I'm a woman who like to prepare. I'm also a woman who knows at any moment crisis could hit. If I'm not prepared then Ynaffit comes out, and she's not pretty.  Tonight will start the 'spa' treatments. Sugar body scrub (home made if you please) hair mask, shaving and tweezing, foot treatment and I'm going to bed with a thick layer of cream on.

Okay seriously. I NEED to do these things. I'm nuts and totally off my rocker I know. But there is so much to worry about. You know you go to these parties and people grab your arms and talk closely in your face. You dance with the new guy, because that's the type of girl you are (okay, maybe it was the nudge from hubby that gets you dancing) You might get a runner in your pantyhose and have to take off your shoes, your going to have to shake hands with everyone, and then for the cherry on the Christmas pudding; the grease megamix will come on and your going to shake your tail feather.

With all these things in my brain I'm thinking OMG! a night wasn't nearly enough time to prepare. What happens if I don't tweeze enough and people think I have a mustache? What happens if I go with the spanx and I'm dancing with who knows and they wonder what I'm wearing under my dress? What happens if the big boss shakes my hands and feels that I have dish pan hands? What happens if I'm talking waaaay to close to someone and they start wondering about my unibrow? What happens if I get that runner in my pantyhose, take off my shoes and everyone starts to wonder 'what happened to her feet?!' All those people grabbing your arms! Those tiny bumps you get will HAVE to come off!!!!!

I don't think I'm over thinking this in the least. I'm don't think I'm even scratching the surface of my brain here!

Please will someone grab me a paper bag and coach me through breathing. Next I need you to come to London STAT and help me get ready....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I guess this blog doesn't write it's self!

My poor little blog.

I just noticed that I haven't payed it any attention since the 15th of November! The 15th! that's like, 15 days ago!

I have also neglected to include a post on my darling grumpy 3 year old turning 4, and the queen mum visiting from Canada (eh?)

le sigh

That's life as a mum of three rowdy kids! Some months are light and airy, other months you wonder who tied the cinder blocks to your legs.

I'm riding a wave of depression this week. The week started rough, with the queen leaving. I yoga'd myself into a happy state and now I'm riding the calm. The happy place. The place of peace and inner OM...

I love this state and wish I could be here every week, every day, every hour. I know it won't last long. I've been doing yoga all week, despite my body crying for a Jillian Michaels session. It actually got me wondering if I could do yoga full time. Ya know, as a *GASP* job. This could be my inner Hippie talking again. It's the wave I'm in. The mood could ride out at anytime.

I've been in a Christmas state of mind, dying for the Christmas decorations to be pulled out...which I did on Monday when I kept the kids home (sick of course!) Saturday we'll get a tree, Sunday we'll decorate it. The next few weeks, I'll finish shopping. Excited is way to plain for how I feel!

With the waves I've been in recently, it got me thinking that maybe I need to return back to God. Okay, before you all go, oh Jesus. My idea of God is very different from most people. I'm not going to get into it. Let's just say, I believe in everything. Anyway, the word 'Quaker' got whispered to me this month and I've done my research and think I might of found a home. Now before you think I've totally flipped my marbles, I've just been thinking. I'm going to a meeting this week. That's all. I'm not one for Sunday gatherings, but I really think this is an answer for me.

These waves of depression have really really been sinking me lately and I don't know how much more on my own I can do. I'm looking for a life line and feel it coming. I'll let you all know how I get on.

I finally heard news this week that I've been waiting to hear. I have a year and a half left before we move back home. This is HUGE for me. I'm the type of cancer (the sign) that needs home. That needs a place of roots and stability. I need it bad. To know that in less then 2 years I'll have that, puts me in a state of giddy.

I'm not sure where home is going to be. But there will be a house. There will be a place of our own. There will be a permanent roof over our heads. The house will be filled with love. That's all that matters to me. If I had my little way, we'd be moving to Scotland and living off the sea and Clottie dumplings. But we go where hubby works and that is that. le sigh.

The kids are growing like weeds and as I said in the first few lines, Mario has turned 4. I can't believe it's been 4 years since my little grump entered the world. I use the term grump, with as much love as I can. For he truly is a grump. He is his Grandpa Mike to the core. We love him despite the scowl.

My dear family and friends back home. I miss you all very much and homesick is starting to get the best of me. I miss your faces and your voices. I miss your laughter and your joy that you bring us. I miss seeing your children grow and your families change. I miss being able to visit you when ever I want and you spending time at my house. I hope you are all well.

I'm going to try to do an advent blog posting spree. not sure what on. I'm sure I'll figure it out.

take care
xo

Save the Children

Everyday I see a commercial trying to get me to 'save the children'. Send in my money and please save the children. You know, I'm not a mean person. I love to help, it's in my blood. But these commercials just make me upset.

You know how we-the people, can save the children?! By adopting them. If the process of adoption was easier we could really save some children. I get that there are sick and twisted people out there that would love some needy children, to exploit and hurt. I get that. But through the muck of that, there are people out there that would give limbs to have a child.

You know; no matter how much money I gave, these children would still be in a state of 'need'. They really would. I know a lot of these children are not up for adoption, but as a mother I hope that another mother would see the opportunity to help her child and let them be adopted. I know I would.

There has to be a way to weed out the nasty people and let the good ones through. There just has to be a way. We are so blessed to live in a 'wealthy' part of the world, which allows us to provide for others. So why isn't this an option? Why???

These commercials are breaking my heart, especially when the child is close in age to my own. I have so much to give and I know you do to! I wish these countries would start giving qualified parents a shot and let these children go to good homes, homes that would truly help their situation.

Maybe adoption isn't the best way, what do you think?

xo

the butt of God's jokes

okay seriously, I'm sure I posted 3 posts since my last one...but see none of them. Guess I didn't hit 'publish' or maybe I dreamed them? Anyway..

I'm getting really really tired of being the butt of God's jokes. I really am. It has gone beyond the point of 'bad day'. The 'bad days' I have are so to the point where they have to be for some bodies comic relief.

This morning I prepared myself for a busy day. I was to be at the hospital at 9:50 for a hospital appointment for Mario. At 8:30ish I had double checked my purse for things I would need, the kids were ready and waiting, I just needed the keys. Where are those keys. I might misplace a lot of things, keys are not one of them. I NEVER misplace my keys. I'm a fanatic about time, and misplaced keys means having to be late. I under no circumstance will ever ever be late for anything. Seriously I have issues.

After 10 minutes of searching there are no keys. Hubby says he doesn't have them. Now I'm mad because a) I'm going to have to cancel the appointment and b) am going to be late to drop the princess off at school unless we run.

Run to school with kids (strangely the car doors are open and I'm able to get the stroller). Drop off the princess race home to cancel the appointment. The nurse at the hospital in her own special way told me I was being silly not coming and I should find a way to get there. She tells me another nurse will call me back to reschedule. Next nurse calls me to basically tell me to get in now, because I won't be able to get in until December. Really?! seriously, really?! After making me feel like shit she tells me she'll call me back....great, I look forward to it. Call back and they can see me next week. Great, hopefully I will have keys then. I'm taking this as a sign as the car hasn't been feeling well and the engine is sick and I was really nervous about going anyway (it's a 20 minute drive in good traffic-in our area there is no good traffic!) so what ever.

After I calm down I check the boys, 1 is sitting nicely watching TV the other is sitting on the table tossing raisins around like confetti at a wedding. Clean mess. Decide I need a tea. make tea, sit down, washer starts beeping. fix washer, sit down, dryer starts beeping. Fix dryer, sit down, dog starts barking. Shut dog up, sit down. oh look it's just about time to shut off the tv. gulp tea, turn off tv. Go and play with the boys.

Luigi decided that I needed a lesson in crash em up and I get smacked in the head with a train..twice. Time to get changed I think. Oh look the clean shirt (white) I put on this am has grease on it. great. After playing a bit more I head down to make lunch. What's that noise? oh someone played with the dishwasher buttons and it's running now. There is no cancel button, so it's washing it's self. As there aren't any dishes in it. Get a pot and smash my finger in the drawer, put on stove smack head on the head on the range.

Over this day, is way to plain for how I feel.

Now a normal person would be like 'hey, I'm having a shitty day' I on the other hand have these days once a week. I am now thinking it's beyond having a bad day. I'm tired of doing this every week and feeling at the total end of my rope. It leaves me tired and highly irritable. every week. seriously here.

I know a lot of you are religious and are thinking I need to go to church. I believe in God. Don't get me wrong. But the way I believe in faith is not how most people believe in faith. There is sadly no church for those who believe in all faiths. There is no spiritual house.

I am tired of not being able to let go. I'm tried of being on edge. I am tired of this practical joke. I keep hearing 'this too will pass' well you know what?! it's not f'n passing!

I'm now going to enjoy my bacon samich, put the monster baby to bed, put more TV on for Mario and indulge in a large serving of chocolate. maybe have a nap. As for this mess I call my house. I think it can wait until tomorrow.

Oy

The Eczema battle

When I was a kid I had slight eczema on my arms. It went away fairly quickly after a scrip for some topical cream.  After the princess was born, the battle of eczema started again, this time on my hands. For 5.5 years now I have been battling eczema.

I have tried everything. No fooling. Apple cider vinegar, change of diet, more exercise, oils, homeopathic treatments, natural remedies, no cosmetics, lavender oil, olive oil and now the dreaded steroid cream.

After all that I'm still here battling this out. I must say the steroid cream has helped quiet a bit. I hate using it, but when you get at the end of your rope, you become desperate. I think my skin is now on a revolt as everything seems to be taking a turn for the worse. The eczema seems to be getting bad again, I now have a patch of eczema on my arm, my face is oily and breaking out, my lips seem to have developed a small rash around it, I have a severe dry eye case at the moment and my hair has taken a turn down oil ville and I'm unable to get it clean looking.

I am a very desperate woman indeed. There really isn't much of a point to this post today. It was really trying to get the word out that I'm in desperate need of answers. I'm hoping that if I put the word out that I'm suffering bad over here, that someone out there in this world will rescue me from my skin revolt.

Please note natural remedies ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DO NOT WORK FOR ME.

Anyone else suffering these days?

ox

Happy Birthday little Angels

Three years ago I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. They arrived sleeping and quiet in the mid afternoon. It was the end to a very hard and unsure 4 months.

In late June 2008 I went in for a dating ultrasound and found out I was pregnant with twins. I remember laughing all the way home. I will never forget the look on Hubby's face when he saw the 'twins' picture. Shortly afterwards I went to my OB for my first check up. It wasn't good news, I was pregnant with Mono Mono twins.  Basically its two babies sharing 1 placenta and there is no wall separating the two. The cords are just hairs away from each other. It's a 1 in 10,000 odd. I was the one.

My very awesome doctor told me strait up 'it's not good. The out come to this pregnancy is normally always stillborn' I was referred to Mount Sinai hospital in Toronto to the care of the high risk pregnancy unit. It meant appointments every week, blood test and ultrasounds..every week. It meant packing up two little ones into a car every week and heading to Toronto for a very very long day. It meant that I would be put into the hospital at 26/27 weeks and the babies would be born around 30/32 weeks. It meant we were giving it a shot and hoping for the best.

At 16 weeks I lost the first baby. My doctor was on holiday and the on call Doctor told me that this would be like a normal pregnancy now. I would most likely go back to my Doctor in Oakville. Sadly just three short weeks later;  still at Mount Sinai, I lost the second baby. I knew something was wrong, I hadn't felt movement in days even halloween candy didn't do anything. Suspicion confirmed, we had lost the second and our ordeal was over. 

My regular doctor at Mount Sinai was back and gave me my list of options. I decided to induce labor and bring my girls into this world the next day. Such a weird thing waking up in the morning and knowing today your going to give birth. It's even stranger knowing that your not going to be bringing anyone home. Around 1pm on October 31st, 2008 I delivered two baby girls into this world. There was no crying, there was no laying of baby on my tummy, there was no team of doctors. There was just the silence.

You go through an ordeal like that, and for me I was done. I didn't want to deal with it any more. I wanted to heal the hurt and move on. Instead, there was a funeral home to deal with, there was decisions like 'do you want pictures?' 'do you want to see them?' too much for a very broken mummy to deal with.

In the end I decided no pictures, and I didn't want to hold them. That image would of haunted me forever. We called our little girls hope and faith, because that's all the pregnancy was.

I would never wish this experience even on my worst enemy. Having to go to a funeral home and plan out what to do with the bodies of your children is an out of body experience. You feel like your not there, that there is no way that you are doing this.

We planned on having our girls cremated, they would rest in St Peters Bay with Grandpa.

It's three years later and the memory is still so fresh. I can tell you the whole day from start to finish. I am so thankful for the love of our family and friends that made the following weeks, just a little easier.  I try not to dwell on our girls or the thought of what could of been. For me the healing process has been to remember them at certain times of the year or with white roses (the flower that seemed to be the theme of their passing). I miss my little girls and seeing twins now is such a bittersweet thing for me.

Today they are three and I haven't let them go play with Grandpa yet. How do you do that? How do you take the only thing you have of that time and let it go? maybe one day. I would of made them cake and there would of been presents...lots of them. Tons of pictures and something more then just a pink cremation box to hold at the end of the day.

Today mummys hold your little ones and pray you never feel the pain of loosing them. I know too many mums, who understand this hurt. One day we'll hold our children and smell their hair. We'll touch their hands and kiss their fingers. We'll count their toes and wiggle their piggies. One day we'll be able to push them on swings and roll with them in the grass. One day.

Happy Birthday little angels. xo

Hey those are some nifty knickers!

You know I love me some larger ladies. I think beauty comes in all sizes and find in this day in age, the larger woman is very proud of her size and that makes me just swell with happiness!

With that said, I have been watching some very big bums lately and I just have to say 'I CAN SEE YOUR KNICKERS!!!!!!!' 

okay seriously here, leggings seem to be the very in thing. Good for leggings! they are comfy and can be dressed up and dressed down. They fit everyone and can flatter anyone. Unfortunately some of the cheaper variety are on the very thin side. Thin leggings + larger bottom = stretched out fabric! 

I have seen more knickers in the last year then I want to count. There has been leopard, and stripy. Zebra and dots. Lace and frills. Lets not even get into the colors! Yes people I can see EVERYTHING! 

You don't want to stare, you really don't. But your walking home, large lady is walking in front of you. Leggings stretched out to maximum thinness. She's wearing a shirt that lets the whole world see her worldly goods. And you can't believe your eyes. Wow those are pretty. Wow, you need new undies! Really, I didn't take you for a leopard lady. 

Don't these women look in the mirror before they leave the house?! I always check myself and my bum before I leave the house. I do. I have kids and you never know what is going to be stuck to it!

I wonder if there is a polite way of say 'hey big bum, I can see your lace and frills!'

So larger ladies; unless you like everyone seeing your underwear, please check your bum before you leave the house! I'm watching you!

This post was brought to you by the letter S for Sir mix-a-lot and B for big bums

The time Crunch

As a mum of 3 I don't have much time. What I can do in a day has to fit between school pick ups, extra curricular activities and playing. I found in the early 1 child days, I started to make excuses for why I wasn't doing things. 'No point in cleaning the bathrooms I only have 20 minutes', 'I don't need to do the dusting, I can only write part of my name' I could honestly come up with an excuse for anything.

Now onto baby 3, I found I was piling myself up with excuses. It was getting to the point where I couldn't see any more. Then one day I read some flylady stuff. wow. Could I really do a shit load of cleaning in only an hour? She has some really good foundation stuff to get you off your ass. I don't follow her schedule, but I do take a lot of her tips and use them in my day to day.

I started months ago, but the excuses started piling up again. The biggest being, I deserve a break. My kids love TV. I am more then willing to put on an hour or so in the morning and maybe another hour in the afternoon for them. That gave me 2 hours a day. I was doing what with those 2 hours? good question. Laundry and a cuppa tea were the top agenda. In the last few months, I've started to kick excuses in the ass and really get myself moving.

Do you really know how much time we're given in a day? 24 hours. Think about that for a moment, 24 hours. Do you use your 24 hours wisely? Do you honestly know how much you can get done in 24 hours...screw 24, do you know how much you can get done in an hour?!

For starters I let my exercise routine slip. How was I to fit in that 20-30 minutes in a day? well I was sleeping until 6am every morning and rushing around with lunches and breakfast and school prep. Now I get up at 5am. I do 20-30 minutes of exercise, then with what ever time I have left over I start getting ready for the rush. I empty the dishwasher and make lunches. Kids are up at 6 and I'm normally eating breakfast by 6:30. On a normal day I can have the house tidy, the kids ready, me ready (including fully dressed, hair done and full face of make up!) and everybody ready to go by 8am. I don't need to leave until 8:30. I toss in a load of laundry and the kids and I sit down to read together. So I woke up an hour early and got 1) the kitchen tidy and ready for the day 2) a load of laundry started 3) exercise done 4) me fully ready for the day 5) the kids fully ready for the day and 6) got in some good mom and kid time plus I've eaten!

Now that two hours the kids watch tv...
Seriously I get so much done in that two hours, it's silly. Take today in my 1 hour am tv slot I got done
1) upstairs bathroom cleaned
2) switched up the laundry-twice
3) put laundry away
4) cleaned the laundry room-this included cleaning out food stuff from the fridge and left over food from our party on Sunday that was sitting on the laundry room counter-plus cleaning the sink and organizing the clothes
5) took out garbage
6) changed the sheets in the spare room and Mario's room
7) washed and put away dishes
8) made a tea

And that was just one hour out of the two!

I don't think that the average person knows how easy it is to fit in everything you need to do in a day. Seriously all the little things add up and before you know it your done. I still have plenty of me time and I still have plenty of time to be with my kids and my hubby.

So, what's your excuse? Time to stop making excuses and get your ass in gear! we are given 24 hours for a reason, start using them wisely!

xo

Smoking babies

I try not to rant about other moms. I don't know everything and maybe what other moms are doing (and I think completely bonkers) is actually a good thing.

Today; upon leaving the school yard I noticed something that just stirred me the wrong way. It looked like a normal scene, bunch of mums standing around after dropping the kids off at school. Fags in hand, creating a haze around anyone that passes. Today though I noticed one of the 'mums' was a young girl (20), who just found out she is 6 weeks pregnant. She was just finishing up her fag as I was passing by and by the time I got to my car and started driving away, she was on to another.

I'm not an expert in pre-natal care. I've had three babies, and the mystery of pregnancy still boggles my brain. I know some mums have the occasional drink, occasional. I can't understand mums, who know they are pregnant and sit there inhaling a tube of paper with about 600 chemicals loaded into it. Those who want to know the (almost) full list can read it here. Denying your baby of oxygen and pumping them full of chemicals, to me..is completely unacceptable. Especially during the first few weeks of life!

That baby in your baby has no voice. They don't have a choice. They didn't decide to be in your belly. They never asked to be born. They are in there, with you running the show. What you eat, drink, smoke, inhale, breath..effects that child.

Tell me dear reader, are they ever EVER going to insist on testing people before they are able to have children?!?!?!?!?

is 9 months really too much to ask for you to put down a fag?!?!

Maybe I should sneak some literature into her nieces book bag about the dangers of smoking during pregnancy?

the start of his future.

Tomorrow my little man starts on a whole new adventure. The little meat head starts pre-school. But he's two right?! I know. I agree that it seems a little early, but the ham is so very ready.  Every morning when we drop off Mario, Luigi runs into school and makes himself at home. His eyes get big with excitement and hope that he will get to play too.

Tomorrow, he will get to play.

I can't believe it. This starts his journey of school. I can only imagine the trouble is going to get into, the friends he will make, the hearts he will break. Didn't I just carry this bowling ball in my tummy?! School, wow.

My kids have always enjoyed school. I very rarely have to fight with them to do school work or get ready for their day. I hope Luigi is the same. I really hope this isn't like Christmas; where you just can't wait for it to come, then when it does it's like 'oh, is that it?!'

He is my last and the apple of my eye. I can't believe I'm setting him free tomorrow. My little ham got extra cuddles and kisses tonight. Tomorrow, I'm heading out to coffee with my friend to take my mind off leaving my baby at school. Le sigh.

What a drama queen I am.

It's going to be fine. right?

Making a Marriage Work

I come from a home of multiple broken marriages. My husband comes from a home of broken marriages. Our families are made up of broken marriages. The fact that after 8 years we are still married, is HUGE. I don't think we have a perfect marriage, not by a long shot. 

We do get admired a lot.  I guess in this day in age, where a marriage can be as short as a one night stand (in fact, some marriages ARE one night stands!) 8 years are impressive years. I know some of you just getting married, or thinking about getting married still have your rose glasses on. I'm here to bitch slap them off your face. Marriage is tough work people. Tough work. There are ups and downs, there are spinning moments, there are times of pure frustration, there are days when you wake up and pray that they aren't there. There are also high times; times you lye awake in the dark talking about the future, there are days when you melt in your partners arms, sometimes you count the minutes until they get home. Marriage is like some kick ass roller coaster, really!

My husband and I started this journey in Grade 10! I knew even then that I would marry him. But grade 10 is too early for anything serious, so you know how that went! When we got our selves together 3 years later, we never looked back. I think the number one thing that has held us together all this time is FRIENDSHIP! My man servant is my best friend in the whole world. We make decisions mostly based on what we as friends would do. We also see this as a complete 100% partnership. We support each other, no matter how crazy the idea is. We're not afraid to cry, laugh and break down with each other. This is really important shit people. If you can't say and feel exactly what you need to, then your in the wrong relationship!  You need to be able to be honest, all the time with your spouse. Communicate. Always Communicate.

I'm going to be honest here. There is going to come a time, when you might not love your partner as you did in the beginning. This IS normal. Your past the huneymoon and working on the real shit. I'm not saying your going to stop loving your partner, I'm saying your love is going to change into something more mature. This is good. Really good. It means that your living, growing and changing with your partner. It means that your marriage is succeeding!

To me once you make a commitment to your partner, you make it for life. This is it. There is no turning back. Now if said partner fucked up royally and I had just cause, then yes kick him to the curb! But every day your going to have to work at this. Your going to have to give it your all. Your going to have to dig deep. EVERYDAY. There are no holidays in marriages. It's not going to be hard (well somedays will be) these are easy everyday things. Telling your spouse that you love them. Making them breakfast. Getting them a cup of coffee. Making the bed (if that floats there boat!) anything that might make your loved one, feel a little more loved. These little things, are also a great way to say sorry. If all your partner asks for is a kiss each morning, then do that! In time, you will know what your partner needs. 

There is a really really great book out there called The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman. It's a bit hokey in some areas. But the message is awesome. I've learned a lot from the book and it's filled with 'a ha!' moments. Pick it up, give it a look through. It will be worth the time.

okay dear reader, I think you get the message. Marriage can be wonderful and amazing. It can also be draining and tiring. It's most definitely hard work. It will be worth it. When you get to a point, where you run like a well oil machine. You will know how rewarding your hard work has been. Don't be frightened. It's all good!

2 years ago..a birthday post

My pregnancies are always eventful. Early labor pains (as early as 20 weeks!) big babies and low amnio fluid..to name a few!

My pregnancy to Luigi-our last baby, was no different. Labor pains started around mid July and I wasn't due until October! I thought I might be a bit further ahead then the doctors thought. It's really a shot in the dark to guess a due date. They think they have it down to a science; but really, only God knows. As the months grew on, the pains grew worse. It got to the point where I was begging my Doctor to induce me. Well, my Doctor is of the old school variety and knows that inducing before 38 weeks is dangerous. Any way, I labored on...going to the hospital every couple of weeks, to make sure it wasn't the real deal.

The night of September the 13th, I felt things a little different. I was counting my contractions, they were every 5 minutes. They weren't getting stronger, but they were every 5 minutes. I walked a little around the house. I was thinking about going for a walk with the dog. Decided I better stay home. My hubby thought I was nuts. In fact at midnight when I told him that this might be the real deal his word were 'what time is it?' upon producing the time he then said 'huney it's too early, I need sleep..go back to bed' I guess when your on baby number 3 you loose urgency.

Finally at 1:30 am, I called L&D. The lovely nurse told me, that she didn't have an answer and to come in and get checked out (again!) okay...
I hate bothering people, but finally at 2am, I called my mum.

by 2:30 I was at the hospital with the news 'it could be labor, walk around and we'll see if you make progress' in a half hour of walking I had progressed 1-2 cm. This was the day!

I was admitted and at 6:30am a lovely on call Dr came in and gave me the best words ever. 'I'm going to break your water' What I failed to tell anyone at this point dear reader, was that my labor was starting to stall. I knew if I went home and carried on, baby would stay put. Which at 36 weeks, is normally a good thing. Dear reader, I had been having labor pains since 20 weeks...there was no way I was missing this chance!

I got an epidural around 8 and Hubby left around 8:30 to get himself coffee. He should know better. If I would of known how fast our little joy would come 1) I wouldn't have gotten the epi and 2) I wouldn't of let hubby go. 9am I told the nurse, the baby is coming. She called hubby on his cell to get his ass back up..baby was coming. My lovely Dr (who worked across the rd from the hospital) had just checked me at 8:50ish and said 'you have lots of time' I love making him work.

Anyway, 9am-ish Hubby is now running (with coffee in hand!) up to my room. I'm prepped and the nurse said..your a 9, baby is coming. I tell her to fuck off, get my dr back and the baby is coming now. Seriously people, I swear through labor like no lady should ever swear. In a few short contractions I am a 10 and baby is coming.
Then the nurse gives the words you hate to hear 'you can't push, hold it until Dr s arrives. Try breathing using the word House. Slowly now'
Right so I start 'slowly breathing using the word house'-wink wink my technique was more like OUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSE. Like a mad china man. Finally my Dr comes back running he asks 'what are you doing, I just checked you' I reply 'waiting for your fucking ass again. I'm always waiting for you asshole' oh yea I'm still saying that damn house word! he tells me to stop now. I say 'Thank fucking God, I hate that fucking word'

Anyway, after a few more choice words I pushed out a beautiful 8 pound 8 oz baby boy. My beautiful baby boy. Dear Reader, no less then a year before, I had lost my precious twin girls. In an instant it felt like the world was right again. My wonderful Dr let him rest on my belly for almost a half hour before he was cleaned up and checked out. Le sigh.

As you all may know, this one is special. Luigi is my favorite. The apple of my eye. I hate to have favorites. But this one was so easy. He was easy to love, I felt an immediate bond (which I did not feel with the Princess) he was so happy and only cried for the necessary reasons (unlike Mario, who hasn't stopped crying). I was an experienced mum, who was confident in the decisions I was making. Although he is trouble, and we often call him monster baby. He does so much to make it right. He does so much to make you know that although he causes trouble, he loves you..so very much.

On this day of celebration, I feel so blessed to have my little Luigi. Every day I'm woken up by his screaming, followed by a kiss and a huge hug. Every night, I lay him down...he reaches up his feet so I can give them a rub and a kiss. These are the things that I love most. I love the smell of his hair and the way he says 'see you mamma' or the way he says 'bye bye sissy' when we drop her off at school. I love the way he is all boy and loves all thing rough and tumble. I love the way he is always so happy. His joie de vivre is contagious!

Happy birthday my sweet baby. You are loved more then you'll ever know!
xo

September 11th-10 years

Let us remember today. Let us pray for those who lost their lives and for those who will spend a life time grieving. Let us remember that we are ALL human and we're all made equal in the eyes of God.

This is not a day for my God is better then your God. This isn't a day to dwell on the war. This isn't a day to blame. This is a day for thanks. Thanks that we are alive, thanks for those that have survived and thanks for those fighting.

We are all human; no matter the skin color or the God that we believe. We are human and live on this planet together.

Spend a few quiet moments today reflecting.

I pray that we see an end soon. There has been too much blood shed already.

Stay safe world. Stay safe.

xo

Big Money

Today I am stepping on my soap box and ranting for just a minute. I don't rant often-I bitch. Today I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah at the The healthy home economist. For some reason it just set me off. I'm all for eating well. I'm all for eating right. I know that half of the food we eat comes from shit companies that don't give a rats ass about it's customers. I know that the world is run by big money. The dairy industry and the meat industry make the world go round. They do and if you don't believe me then you need to open your eyes and do some research. I think as a person, it's your right to research and know where your food is coming from and make educated decision based on what you know and what you feel. Now with that said; if you think and feel that your family should eat Nestle and Kelloggs, then go for it. I will never, nor should anyone ever tell you what you should and shouldn't eat.

I really want you to be educated. I want you to read and know your food and know where it comes from. I know from research and lots of it, what is the best type of food for my family. It's about going to your local farm shop, It's about supporting your local farmer, it's stopping getting out the ready made chicken fingers and french fries and making your kids something real! It's about getting down to your roots and cooking with the heart of Laura Ingalls Wilder. I know though, that this is not always possible and can be down right expensive!

I hate with a passion people who make you feel that the choices that you are making for you and your family are the wrong choices. These are YOUR choices, I may not agree with them...but Fuck man I don't have to live with it!

Be educated, read, read, read and read some more. Know your food and know where it's coming from. But please, for the love of Jebus..never EVER let someone tell you that your choices are wrong!

Rant over...jebus

xo

Why I f'n hate driving in this country

1) I drive a Land Rover Discovery
2) the roads were built for mini's
3) Signs are always unclear
4) I am a short person that drives a car clearly built for some asshole on stilts
5) I have a short fuse
6) I always end up having to do 24 point turns in alley ways

Simple task 'take kids to swimming'. I have to leave at least 40 minutes early the first time because of said points above. Case in point today; Get to school where swimming lessons were located. Where to park? oh over there! Sign pointed to small alley way at the back of the school for visitors parking. No actually some fuckwad turned said sign and it was actually supposed to point to staff and area parking. I went down the alley way in my Land Rover Discovery. Clearly, this was not where I was supposed to be, after it was too late. I had to do a 24 point turn in between some little shits left over art project and two WM bins (short shout out here to my WM peeps...hayoo!) while two men in a red lorry waited for me to turn my ass back where I came from. Now my fuse is smoking and I'm cursing words not meant for little kids (do you sense a theme here? Clearly I was meant to be a sailor) Park in a tight spot where ever the fuck I wanted to, cause at this point..what's a ticket?! Only later it occurred to me that I might of gotten towed! On the way to parking I decided to hit the curb.

I really do hate driving in this country. I'm pretty sure it's God laughing again. Remind some time to tell you of me stopping a whole intersection of traffic while I made my own lane because I got lost and confused and turned into on coming traffic...yes dear reader, another day on the road with me.

Back to school

Well today is the day! The kids are back in school and ready to get going on another year!

This summer was long and tiring and long! The kids were actually at a point where they didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Pj's were taking on a uniform at our house and trying to take the kids anywhere was beginning to wear on us all! Don't get me wrong, I like having the kids with me at home...to a point. But the kids get up at 6am every morning...by 10am, your racking your brain as to what to do next!

We did have an okay summer, we got to France and the kids and I managed to do a few day trips on our own. With no family and friends around, the summer just went on and on though. The weather was shitacular, with only a handful of days that made you want to go outside and do anything. My only real saving grace this summer was a wonderful mum that I met at preschool. Every Wednesday we would get together and let all the kids play...

I really can't believe I'm sitting here, and it's September. There is so much coming up in the next 10 months, I'm wondering if July is going to hit and I'm going to scratch my head wondering 'where the hell did the school year go?!' There are birthdays to celebrate, Christmas to enjoy, a new year to ring in, family to welcome, mini breaks to take, and decisions to make. Life will roll on, and bring in the ever changing seasons. Family will settle in for (hopefully!) weeks of gatherings. Life will continue to get dusty. The children will get older. We'll count down the months until we figure out our next move.

So much happens so quickly. Did you blink and miss summer too?

Welcome back to school kids! (North Americans good luck tomorrow!)

xo

The Words you want to hear

Today's post is brought to you by the letter B, for Bruno and M for Mars......

I love this song. I really do. There is so much to love and really nothing to hate (okay maybe the almost perfect bitch  girl in the video). It got me thinking. How often Dear Reader are you told that your beautiful? I'm not being gender specific here. Boys, girls, whomever....

This is a lovely song. It's the words your heart wants to hear...do you hear them?

I'm probably going to get myself in trouble here...but whatever, I'm not trying to say leave your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm trying to say, are you told your beautiful? Does your loved one make an effort to let you know how special you really are? Do you know that you deserve it?

I know a lot of people that can't show that kinda emotion. I know that sometimes people are incapable of saying lovely words to their partners...but you should be able to know it, everyday..

If you are sitting here right now reading these words and your not 'told' (however your partner can tell you) that your beautiful and amazing and perfect. Then your in the wrong relationship. Pack your bag and leave, kick that person to the curb. 'WHAT?!' 'It's not that easy' 'but they love me in so many other ways'. Okay Okay, if like me you've been in a relationship since Jesus carved wood...you can't possibly  get up and leave on account of a few emotions not being shared. But it is important, don't you think?

Don't you think that you right now dear beautiful reader, should know how truly amazing you are? Don't you think your partner should know too? I won't have you settling for less my loves. You deserve years of happiness and kindness. You deserve to be treated like the divine beings you are. There shall be no foul play in your relationship....love yourself enough to know what you deserve. Love yourself enough to say, ' I deserve better'.

Dear Reader, I love you all and you are all dear to me. I want you to know that you are amazing, and beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Dare you to look yourself in the mirror and utter those words...Dee double dare you.

Don't settle. Never Settle. Be strong in who you are. Hold your head up and have confidence to say 'I deserve to be told


When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are. 


xo

Dear 16 year old me.

So after watching this video

and seeing it post all over the net. It got me thinking, what would I say to 16 year old me?


Dear 16 year old me.

Boys don't make the world go round. Some of them are actually pretty special. Be nice to them, you'll marry one some day. 16 year old me, it gets better..I promise the world gets better. Hey have you gone to class today? Not just school, but class? I know you graduate in 2 years, but have you thought about college? You should think about it, really think about it. Your good at so many things, you love so many things..maybe just a few night classes? 16 year old me, learn to drive! Get over it and get your license! When's the last time you called your Dad? Your step mum is not an evil witch...she's actually pretty smart and nice...you should give her a chance..

What about 18 year old me?

Dear 18 year old me.
Life is about to take a serious turn to coo-coo land....hold on and ride it out. I promise you 19 and 20 will look up. You've made it to 18, stop making silly mistakes...don't quit your job until you have a new one, don't be afraid what others think of you and for gosh sakes step away from the hoodies! 18 year old me, I know your confused about school...travel! Travel to France and sit quiet some place and eat a baguette. Travel to Portugal and find out about your family. Boys will always be there. Don't be afraid of life, don't be afraid of the world. Take a chance.

What about 25 year old me?

Dear 25 year old me.
Your married now, and your thinking about children?! Aren't you just a child. 25 year old me; your beautiful and talented, you could do so much. I'm sorry 25 year old me, I think your going to be making a mistake. You've painted a picture for yourself of something that does not exist. Don't forget your birth control pills! 25 year old me, life is about to get really hard. You have a rock for a husband, but he won't understand. When the hard part comes, don't be scared. Don't judge yourself and don't blame yourself. You'll have to embrace the changes or your going to sink. I wish I had good news for the next few years, but it's about to enter a whole new dimension of challenging. Don't forget your loved and strong.

What about today?

Dear Me
This isn't a test. I know it feels like your sitting in the gym with your sharpened no. 2/HB. But your not. This is reality. This is life. I know somedays suck monkey balls. I know there are days that getting out of bed seems like a challenge. Your hundreds of miles away from your family and you feel like the last man alive. It's okay, you'll be okay. Remember, strong like bull? Dear me, you'll ride this out! The kids won't kill you, I promise. My darling me, I wish we really could step out for a moment..ride the wave from the beach instead of the undersized boogie board with a shark bite. It has to get better. You need a hobby, and no cleaning is NOT a hobby. Remember what it felt like to sleep in? to have breakfast after 8? Remember how boring life was? Dear me. Head up and carry on. Don't forget the lists and to call your mamma and papa every now and then. Chin up, it can only get better from here!


What would you say to you? Are you happy with how it went, do you have many regrets? Anything you wish you could just scream at yourself? Funny. While writing this, I thought I would have more to say to me as the years went on. In truth I have lived my life without much regrets, and that I think is awesome! okay, I might have made a few bad choices and said a few horrible things. But that makes us who we are today..no?

xo

Loving the real you

In todays crazy world, filled with 'fakery' and photoshopped people. It's hard to love the real you. Sometimes you begin to wonder if you even know the real you. You question simple things like your feelings, actions and emotions. Looking in the mirror can even be a time for doubt and lots of it!

Since moving to the Uk, I have really had a tough go at finding me. Not because there is more media here. But because England embraces the hippie me. It encourages me to be all things natural that I love. I was never a confident child. I wasn't confident in my teens and I certainly was not confident in my 20s. There was so many labels put on me that it was hard to know what was me and what was a front. I guess that's the way life is. Now a mother to three kids, a wife to an executive and living without family, I start to wonder about these labels again.

In my heart there is a hippie. She is a free spirit. The wind calls and she moves. The hippie me loves all things natural and spiritual. The very thought of moving to a farm, having chickens, baking bread and doing macrame all day appeals to me. Never shaving my legs, living off the grid, washing my clothes by hands, drying them on the line. Saving the earth with every grocery shop. Hand making all the family clothes and using natural remedies to solve everything is my ideal of heaven. I have attached my self to this hippie girl and I want to be her. Really bad! I feel I have tried everything to be her. I really thought that this hippie girl would make my life peaceful and relaxed and it would make me an awesome person. The type of person everyone would want to be around.

The truth is; I like shaving my legs, I'm not very good at arts and crafts, my kids wear too many clothes to wash by hand, I can't save the whole earth (although I do my bit!), my body hates natural remedies, I like pretty clothes, I like smelling good, I like having a house that's pretty and I'm to hyper and moody to be peaceful and relaxed. I could never have chickens because honestly who can keep up with that? I don't even have time to walk the dog! I like make up, I loooooove a sexy pair of shoes! I now after months of denying it, own a kindle (okay that was an emotional play by my hubby, who told me to think about all the trees I would be saving!) I'm creative. I appreciate nature and the feelings it provokes.

My heart will always be a hippie. I love the feel of dew on my feet in the morning. I love the smell of rain. I love baking bread. I love yoga. I love the ocean. I hear the wind and I embrace her, she brings in seasons of warmth and cold. She bring in emotions strong and free.

You know what? I'm okay with that. For the first time, in a long time! I'm okay with that. This is me. This is me and who I am. This is me without being who others want me to be. It's freeing, really.

It's really hard pushing past the crap of the media, pushing past the labels and digging into you. Digging past the who I should be, past the ideal me and past the who everyone thinks I am. It's really hard. You need to do it. You need to do it for you. For your heart to be free, you need to do it for you.

You are loved no matter who you are and no matter what you do. But you need to love you first. Really, that the first, last and most important step.

xo

Stop the world

As you know my fuse is short. Really short. It does not take much for me to be 'set off'. I'm pretty sure that whoever God is, I was created this way for their enjoyment and fun.

Today started as a typical day. Up early, coffee made for hubby, set hubby off on his way (too early for my liking!) and proceeded to continue normally with the kids. I must admit, the morning is my time. When I sit down to tea or coffee and breakfast, I turn on my computer and let the kids free play. This normally works fine and the kids are very happy running around and playing. This was the case today. I did have somethings that I needed to do this morning. So I knew I had to be moving and cleaned to go for 9am.  Que God. Laughing. They had to be.

8am arrived with a muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, the whole jar of fish food is in the fish tank!
'WHAT?!'
As I arrived on the scene I asset the damage. 1 jar of fish food, in 1 fish tank. Plus what ever didn't make it in, all over the floor.
'Who did this?!'
Luigi-'MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'
'Great, just great'
As I gathered the items needed to clean the fish tank plus the tools to scoop out the food, someone turned on the TV full blast and then someone hit someone on the head which lead to the princess screaming.
'Dear God' At this point, why am I even praying?
Scoop out food, cypher water (drink some), head to kitchen with one very large pot filled just about to the brim with water...why make 2 trips with half pots, when you can make 1 trip with an over filled pot?
on the way to the laundry room the cord to the filter (that was in my pot) got snagged on a kitchen chair, sending dirty fish water plus food all over the kitchen floor.
I won't dear reader tell you the words that came falling out of my mouth. Lets just say that they were less then ideal for a house filled with children.
As I clean up the fish mess on the kitchen floor, I heard giggling from the living room.
Luigi thought that maybe he should get the fish out of the bowl, for their safety of course.
Rescue fish, clean up kitchen, finish the tank.
Try to finish breakfast cleanup.
Then a thought came to mind. 'I should make the brownies now and they can cook while I get dressed.'
Que God laughing again..
Grab the ingredients...oh I'm almost out of white flour, I'll add brown. Oh I'm almost out of oil, I'll use buttermilk....needless to say these turned out as the brownies that never should of been.
After 40 minutes they still weren't cooked.
covered them, turned down temperature to low and headed out the door to run errands.
What's that noise?..oh yea, God laughing...
Get into town, realized that I didn't have much change for parking...found enough in the car to give me 30 minutes. Walked to the library, dropped off books...by the time I had walked downstairs and back up. The sky had opened. In England it doesn't rain, it's like a bucket of water falling at your face..seriously.
I still had dry cleaning and dog food to pick up..did I mention that Mario, Luigi and the Princess are with me?!
By the time we got back to the car we aren't just wet we are honestly soaked. Soaked right to the knickers!
Now we're home. We're tired and everyone is in the most foul mood I have ever seen.
We're supposed to go out this afternoon. I'm almost afraid to go out that door.

Is this just my life? Please tell me I'm not the only one that has too much going on and it all goes wrong at the same time!

I'm so over this day. I'm over this week. I'm over summer break.

Stop this world, mamma needs a spa day!

xo

Little Island of Red

As I sit here in my cold England summer. As I sit and feel fall coming in faster and faster, I dream about an Island full of red dirt. Yes there is an Island full of red dirt. Red as a little orphan girl's hair with two big braids. Red as a the most glorious sunset on a hot summer's night.  Red as apples.

I miss our little Island.

Not so long ago, hubby and I decided to pack up our belongings and move to the Eastern Coast of Canada. Actually truth told. It was my decision. It held promise of work and a great life for us. We'll I didn't get the work, but we did start our great life. You see dear reader, as a wee one I had spent the better part of my summer in New Brunswick. My family is in New Brunswick and my heart is in the East Coast. The ocean calls to me like a mamma calls to her first born gone away to college. We settled on Nova Scotia for my work reasons. Plus Hubby's Dad had opened an Inn on Prince Edward Island..and it was easier for us to get to him. Maybe we just settled on Nova Scotia because I really wanted to move to the Island but I couldn't convince the man on that one!

Our lives have been unfolding on PEI for sometime and it just feels right. We got married at the Inn, on boxing day. The fire was lit for our grand event. 7 people surrounded us as we said our vows. Bag pipes filled the room. The day was warm and the bay in St Peters glistened like diamonds. It was perfect. perfect. We've been renting a cottage there for our vacation. Our baby girl took her first steps there. My father in law who we love so very much and miss with all our hearts, rests there. Our precious baby girls will lye with Grandpa (when I gather the courage). We vision a little home there. Christmas's there. Family gatherings there. Grandchildren. Weddings. We can't picture our lives playing out any where else. le sigh.

We've always lived in Ontario. We grew up there. We called it home. In truth dear reader, it's home because our family and friends are there..and for that reason alone. Home to us, is in the vast cold ocean on the atlantic. Home is the red dirt that stains our clothes and our pets. Home is the fishy air and the fresh blue sky. Home is the people that fill our hearts with love every time we arrive. Home is a little Island of Red. PEI.

We miss you dearly Island. We long for the days that will be our future. You are always in our hearts and in our minds.

xo

Oh please check out the Inn at St Peters and our gentle Island

Importance of Grass to our cows

Are you getting enough grass fed meats? Do you know why it's important for our cows to eat grass? Do you know the benefits to us? oh and I'm not talking about marabelle and daisy sitting around the barn passing a splif.

Okay, so somewhere between farmer Brownie and Farmer super feed lot. We decided to stop letting our cows sit in the field eating grass and decided that cows should be eating grains, other cows and parts of this and that. Cows are vegetarians. They wants to eat vegetarian food. They love vegetarian food! Soy burgers and Tofu need not apply. They just want that sweet, sweet grass that you have in your field over there!

As you know (or should know!) when a cow eats the grass, those lovely heifers are doing something truly amazing for us. They are making life vital vitamins for us! So what's in it for you? Vitamin A, E,
K2, D, Omega 3's and CLA.

Lets start with Omega 3's as everyone knows those bad boys! A person consuming a diet rich in Omega 3's are less likely to have high blood pressure or irregular heart beats and 50% less likely to have a heart attack! These people eating Omega 3's will less likely suffer from things like; depression, schizophrenia, ADD or alzheimer's. Omega 3's may also reduce your risk of cancer. Grass fed cows have shown to have 2-4x's more Omega 3's then those in feedlots!

CLA-or Conjugated Linoetic Acid. CLA is one of our best defenses against cancer. It helps with high cholesterol, building your immune system, lowering body fat, lowering blood pressure and osteoporosis. Just to name a few! Don't you want some?!

Vitamin A, E D, and K2. K2 supports bone strength and cardiovascular health. A; promotes heathy body tissue, helps fight infections and helps build strong teeth and bones. E; helps fight free radicals, may boost your metabolism, it offers some skin protection and aids in cancer prevention. D; cancer prevention, helps in brain function, it tells our body to absorb calcium!

You get all this just from eating beef that has been raised on pasture. You don't get it from cows sitting in a feed lot, getting fat on injections eating number 64 because she was to sick to go on. You need these in your diet! NEED them!

I know it can get expensive. I know that. I get it. I'm not saying you have to eat pasture raised meat at every meal. Just get some into your diet, as much as you can afford. Can you afford not to?

The Good Ol' Days

I've been racking my brain for the last 3 days thinking of 'what to write now'. It hit me today while browsing the discussions on the WAPF london chapter. The message? 60 Watt bulbs now outlawed. Seriously. I read the first part of the discussion before my mind went to that black abyss your brain always goes to when it's bored in disbelief.

okay so the first part I read was

"Our Government has decided to not ignore EU crazies planning to outlaw tungsten bulbs. Even 60watt and I believe 40watt bulbs are now banned. Stocks are being drawn down and they will be illegal for retail come September"


So my brain in the black abyss, was wondering what happened to the good ol' days?


You know those days where your kids stayed out until 9 at night playing with the neighbours kids? You remember when you roasted your hotdogs on a fire and didn't worry about the nitrates in the weenie? Remember when pop was a treat? Do you remember having a DVD system in the car? The world was filled with real farmers and people who wanted to help others. Family and Friends were one in the same. The judd's were a mother and Daughter singing country band-not daily news because yet another one had prosecuted Loca Lohan. Family dinners. Spraying your hair and not worrying about it killing the polar bears. Le sigh 


I really can't believe how far as a world we've come. I don't always think in a good way. Sure science has brought us some out of this world shit. Sure technologies now allow us to find out what anyone in any part of the world is doing at any moment...but is it all necessary? I'm really starting to worry about the future of my children and what their children might see or not see one day. It's these thoughts that make me want to pack my bags, take my children and head for a remote spot somewhere on this planet. 


We're now banning light bulbs and people are actually worried about the effects and how it might just be another ploy by the government.


Can we just please slow down and rewind?? My brain keeps screaming this is all too much shit!


I can't imagine what 2020 is going to look like or 2050 or God willing 2070. Do you think we're going to get so far ahead we're going to start going backwards?


Oy! Oy! Oy!  

Mamma's Wooden Spoon

When I had my first born I promised I would NEVER be that crazy parent that screams at her kids and spanks them when they don't listen. Well dear Reader, I am now that mum. I am that mum who's voice raises 12 octaves when the no one is listening. I am that mum with the screechy voice, to which her kids mock. I am the mum with the wooden spoon.

I have never been a fan of spanking, I always thought 'there are better ways'. My stepmum spanked and I never liked when my siblings ran screaming in fear. I never wanted to go down that road. In hopes of detouring there, I tried all the other 'nanny' methods. Time out, taking away toys, getting down to their level, taking away special things...I tried them all dear Reader. The result? Well it was a joke! The princess would often put herself in timeout, Mario would rather a temper from hell in his room and Luigi just doesn't get it. Punishment of the 'today' variety just doesn't work for my kids. I find them often going back to the 'naughty' activities they were doing before I went crazy.

I really feel in today's world, most parents are afraid to discipline their children. Fear of their children not liking them, fear of what other parents will say, fear of going to far. I really believe that this 'fear' has rubbed off on our children and they are now immune to these new methods.

I was never spanked as a child. I was hit. Seriously. The few times my dad flew off the handle I felt it. This is not the discipline I want for us to use for our children. I don't want us to discipline out of anger and I don't want us to discipline for them just being children. I'm talking about disciplining our children because they aren't listening. I'm talking about disciplining for hurting others, or maybe themselves. I'm talking about disciplining because they truly are being naughty.

My number one rule for discipline is never do it when angry. I would rather walk away from the situation, take 5 and think about what I need to do and collect my thoughts before acting. I know this isn't always practical...but you know when you need that 5 minutes...

So the wooden spoon?!

Yes, it's my new tactic. A tactic that seems to be; surprisingly, working. After a warning they get the spoon. I'm not talking about walking over to them and beating them until they are blue. I'm talking about a swift swat on the bum. My children now know that if mamma gets out the spoon that they have deserved it. Most of the time they stand there and take it. This is strange to me. Very strange. The spoon has been resolving issues left right and center and now in some cases that I needed it before..I don't.

I'm not promoting child abuse here. I think child abuse is a serious problem. Very serious. We don't need to take any test or classes in order to get a parent license and in some cases and in some people..it's needed. Please don't think that this is what I'm trying to do here.

I want you to be confident enough as a parent to pull out the tactics that work for you. Maybe standing on your head and telling jokes works. Maybe it's time out. Maybe it's bed early. Maybe you just need to say 'don't'. Maybe it's a spoon. I don't know. I have found a method, that I swore I would never use. It's working. The kids know about it and they are now listening (well as much as 3 kids can listen!) Please don't be afraid of disciplining your children. They need it. They need to know that you mean business and your not going to take shit. They need to know that the world isn't going to take their shit. Discipline in our children needs take place!

I am now in some cases much more calm about things and I know I have a plan. The children know this plan. I have set out when it needs to be used and when a simple talking to needs to take place. I feel confident in my choice and confidence in parenting is really hard to achieve. I know it's hard being a parent, but please feel confident in the choices you make and stick with them! Kids smell fear and if your afraid, then nothing is going to work!

Remember Happy parents = Happy children!

Be confident and don't be afraid!

xo

France

As I sit here with my fresh pressed coffee, I'm now ready to write about France.  While in France, I couldn't think of the words to describe what I was experiencing. There is so much untouched beauty in France. It's hard to think of words to write. The family's trip was 4 cities, two weeks. In tow; 3 crazy kids and 1 Jack Russell. Crazy?! Mais Oui! But that's the way we roll Yo!

First stop Paris.
It's really only 5 hours from our house and we thought we left early enough to be able to have an afternoon there. When driving in France you learn the meaning of 'longest 20 minutes' seriously. When we arrived in Paris and started making our way through the construction, we were 20 minutes from our hotel. 1 hour later we were still 20 minutes from the hotel. 1.5 hours later...or 20 minutes according to Madge (that's our GPS) we arrived. We're not staying in the Ritz. We picked accommodations that supported 3 noisy kids, and 1 dog, plus a kitchen(ish). We didn't stay in the best part of town, but that's how we like it. Really. In only 4 days we saw everything we needed to see. Notre Dame, The Louvre, markets, and everything in between. Oh did I mention Disney?! Yes we did it. Yes we are that crazy. Yes it was that crazy. Best highlight of Paris? Really for me, it was experiencing Parisian life. We went to open markets. Talked to local people. Stayed in the Grit. We saw Paris. It was beautiful and awesome and in 4 days we were off....

Next?! Dijon!
I was not ready for Dijon. I had come off a Paris high and didn't know it could get better then that. It did, and more! Dijon is small, compared to Paris. The beauty old and untouched. The historical part is full of character and architecture as old as Jesus. Our apartment two stories up, no lift..original features. Big french windows, original beams and that floor! I love old wood floors! From our room we could see the old roof tops of Dijon. This city is a feast for the eyes. We devoured it. Ate it all up and it left us hungry for more. Hubby and I love all things French and this was to us, the icing on our French gateau. We did take a side Tour of Beaune. Wow. We took the back road of wine country to get there. I really can't tell you or describe to you what we saw. It was amazing. It was awesome. It was everything French country.  le sigh...

Where to next?! Bandol!
We wanted to stay in the South of France. Some place where the kids could play on the beach. We wanted to be in the middle of everything! I was sadden by this part of the world,  I have to admit. I was expecting French beach and what I got was Mexico. There is nothing overly special about this part of the world. It's warm. The sand is nice. The water green. It's nice. There is nothing to 'feast your eyes on' (unless you count the topless woman and hunky tanned men! yummy!) We did beachy things. We tanned. We warmed up. We went to Marseille and saw Hitler. I don't have much to write on this part. I'm sorry. It wasn't my idea of France and I feel I got ripped off. I wanted beach french and got Will Smith. We did have a nice time though and enjoyed much wine here.

Okay last stop! Bordeaux
Like Dijon, I was not ready for Bordeaux. I thought it was going to be a small city with nice things to see. Wow. It was a LARGE city with more then 'nice things to see' this was the city to see. This was better then Paris! This was everything I imagined France to be (and more!) I wish dear reader that you could see what I saw. I wish you could have felt what I felt. If you are ever, ever going to take a trip to France..you need to go to Bordeaux. We only had 1.5 days. We took it ALL in. We walked and took a bus tour. We snapped pictures until the fingers were sore. This part of France has been maintained so well. Much of the original Bordeaux still lays intact today. Arches and stone works. Churches and cobble stone. Bridges and waterways. It's all there. My heart I think is still there. I can honestly say (again!) that there are no words for Bordeaux. It's on the list of 'to go back, without children' list.

Dear reader there is so much to see in France. There is so much to experience. There is so much to do. It was the trip of a life time. One filled with too much driving. Too much screaming children and too many packing and moving. It was worth it though. To know that places like Beaune and Bordeaux still exist in our world today. Places of pure beauty and no sky scrapers!

I hope you all have a chance to visit one day. It will be worth every penny you save, promise.

xo

Stay tuned for part deux! (sorry! Paris, Dijon and Bordeaux need some more details!)

Hard being a farmer today

I try to stay out of politics. I try to stay out of Government affairs. I don't understand the workings so it's easier for me to just keep my nose out!

Since diving into the world of 'real' foods, I have become so much more informed on how our world is being taken over by our lovely government. Somethings are just scary.

Lets talk about Raw Milk for a minute shall we? I know most people are scared of raw milk. I know that there is a place for pasteurization in some countries. I understand that. I'm talking about getting raw milk from your local farmer. The farmer you can trust. The farmer that takes care of their cows. The farmer that you can trace back your milk from and the farmer that will tell you if there is any problems with the cattle. I'm NOT talking about going down to your local mega dairy and asking for a liter of milk!

I haven't really researched getting raw milk in Canada yet, but I have in the US. I know that 28 States do not prohibit the sales of raw milk. If your lucky enough to live in those states, you can probably find raw milk on your store shelves. Lucky.

Before dear reader I tell you the next bit, lets remind ourselves that I'm talking about milk here...not drugs, not weapons of mass destruction..I'm talking about milk.

CA is one of the lucky states to not prohibit the sales of raw milk. They allow with permits and shit loads of paper work for raw milk to be sold.

In the last little bit, the government has got in in their head, that while they are allowing most to sell their raw milk...they should still be able to send in SWAT teams to stores and do raids..Did you read that right? SWAT teams. Full out in gear, with guns, SWAT teams..to raid farmers. Seriously people. Check out the movie trailer for farmageddon. Again, raw milk here people.

The awesome people at Rawesome health foods in CA were raided this week. When I say raided, I am talking about the SWAT team moving in and scaring the shit out of people. The owners arrested and bond set. The charge? selling raw milk without a permit. Not even joking.

okay so they had no permit. WHO FUCKING CARES?!?!?! Did you know that your country is in debit? Did you know that they owe trillions to creditors? Good thing we have all the surplus money to send in a SWAT team to raid people of raw milk.

Is there really nothing else we could spend that money on?! Who really cares that I want to drink raw cow milk? That's a choice I make for me and my family. If I want to 'poison' myself and send myself into danger, shouldn't that be my choice? I guess all those stupid people out there who sue for hot coffee, have ruined it for everyone else? Maybe the government just doesn't like us having our hands in their money pot?

Anyway. It's frustrating. There are good farmers out there. Farmers who are making a difference and trying the best they can to provide a life for their families. There are farmers who believe in the old traditional ways, and are suffering for it.

Le sigh..

Please read about James Stewart and his Rawesome Raid here.

Its just milk people. just milk.

xo