Loving the real you

In todays crazy world, filled with 'fakery' and photoshopped people. It's hard to love the real you. Sometimes you begin to wonder if you even know the real you. You question simple things like your feelings, actions and emotions. Looking in the mirror can even be a time for doubt and lots of it!

Since moving to the Uk, I have really had a tough go at finding me. Not because there is more media here. But because England embraces the hippie me. It encourages me to be all things natural that I love. I was never a confident child. I wasn't confident in my teens and I certainly was not confident in my 20s. There was so many labels put on me that it was hard to know what was me and what was a front. I guess that's the way life is. Now a mother to three kids, a wife to an executive and living without family, I start to wonder about these labels again.

In my heart there is a hippie. She is a free spirit. The wind calls and she moves. The hippie me loves all things natural and spiritual. The very thought of moving to a farm, having chickens, baking bread and doing macrame all day appeals to me. Never shaving my legs, living off the grid, washing my clothes by hands, drying them on the line. Saving the earth with every grocery shop. Hand making all the family clothes and using natural remedies to solve everything is my ideal of heaven. I have attached my self to this hippie girl and I want to be her. Really bad! I feel I have tried everything to be her. I really thought that this hippie girl would make my life peaceful and relaxed and it would make me an awesome person. The type of person everyone would want to be around.

The truth is; I like shaving my legs, I'm not very good at arts and crafts, my kids wear too many clothes to wash by hand, I can't save the whole earth (although I do my bit!), my body hates natural remedies, I like pretty clothes, I like smelling good, I like having a house that's pretty and I'm to hyper and moody to be peaceful and relaxed. I could never have chickens because honestly who can keep up with that? I don't even have time to walk the dog! I like make up, I loooooove a sexy pair of shoes! I now after months of denying it, own a kindle (okay that was an emotional play by my hubby, who told me to think about all the trees I would be saving!) I'm creative. I appreciate nature and the feelings it provokes.

My heart will always be a hippie. I love the feel of dew on my feet in the morning. I love the smell of rain. I love baking bread. I love yoga. I love the ocean. I hear the wind and I embrace her, she brings in seasons of warmth and cold. She bring in emotions strong and free.

You know what? I'm okay with that. For the first time, in a long time! I'm okay with that. This is me. This is me and who I am. This is me without being who others want me to be. It's freeing, really.

It's really hard pushing past the crap of the media, pushing past the labels and digging into you. Digging past the who I should be, past the ideal me and past the who everyone thinks I am. It's really hard. You need to do it. You need to do it for you. For your heart to be free, you need to do it for you.

You are loved no matter who you are and no matter what you do. But you need to love you first. Really, that the first, last and most important step.

xo