Marriage Mondays

A Partner Worth the Fight

Well Dear Reader last week we talked about the hard part. Now lets talk about what makes it worth it. Your Partner.

Yes Dear Reader, your partner. You are putting 110% into this, you're going to make sure that your 'other half' is worth it. I'm saying that in the nicest, most loving way.

First lets talk about you. You my loves are worth all the riches in the world. You are worth more then gold and jewels. You are worth the sun and the moon and all the planets. You should love yourself enough to see the value in you.  You are special, you are awesome. You're fantastic and wonderful. You are beautiful, inside and out. Dear Readers there is no one as great as you! You need to make sure that in a partnership you see that YOU are worth it first. You are worth it. You are worthy of happiness and joy. You deserve to laugh and smile. You deserve a partner that loves you for you. You deserve a partner who will treat you with respect and love. You are worthy of a partner that loves and adores you like no royalty has ever been. Do you see that?

When you 'signed' on for this; there was no hidden agreement that stated:

I _____________ agree to give up all my happiness and joy for the sake of a relationship with ______________.

You didn't do that, and nor should you!

I'm not saying your partner has to be perfect. I'm saying that they have to be worth it. Just as your worth it!

There will come a time in your relationship that you will question why you are there. It happens! This is normal! This is when one special and magic relationship ingredient comes to play. Communication. You have the right to tell your partner when you are not happy. You have the right to tell them that this isn't working You partner has choices here. They can say 'fuck you, I'm perfect now toughen up', They can say 'wow, I'm sorry you feel this way what can we do' or They can say 'I guess we better get a divorce'. A worthy partner best be saying the middle! I know its hard to have tough conversations. I hate to tell you, that life is full of them and your going to have to get used to it!  Remember your worthy of happiness! If your partner agrees to help, GREAT! This is a wonderful thing! Now if it gets to the point where you've left it too long, please don't be proud. Seek outside help. If your partner is worthy of this, then do it! Don't give up on a relationship because you don't want to see a marriage counsellor!

If your partner does not see the value in your happiness and joy; then I'm afraid to say they aren't worth it.

Your partner will want to be your partner. They will want to make this work. They will want to see you happy! Honest.

If your partner agrees to change then goes back to their old ways and even after a million therapy sessions. I'm afraid your going to have to make some more tough decisions. Are they worth the pain and heart ache?

If your partner is a Bum. A right old Bum. They have little care for the world around them let alone you. This is not worthy of you! You and your paper bag, do not need Prince Ronald! They are a bum and will always be a bum!

What I'm trying to get at here Dear Reader is that you are worthy of a partner. An equal. A Yin to your Yang. You are worthy of it all. You don't need to settle or give up your life and happiness for someone who will never be worthy of you. A tiger will always have strips there is no amount of therapy, pleading or communication that will change them to spots.

I've been very lucky. I have a partner worthy of a thousand fights. My second in Command is worth it all. We have been very close to saying that's it! Our lives have changed us and remolded us. The years haven't always been kind or good. But we are equals who are willing and feel the other worthy of it all. That my loves is what partnership is all about.

Who you are today, is not the person you were when you first started your relationship. That's ok! Your ideas and views on the world will change, and that's ok! Your opinions will change, your life will change, your cities will change, your house will change, your outlook on life will change. All ok! IF your partner is worth it, it will be okay. You see as your changing, so are they. As your growing and evolving, so are they. It's important to have a worthy partner, because none of the change will matter. They will WANT to make it work. They will adapt, just as your adapting! It will work because you two, will make it work. All part of the 110% your putting in!

You see a worthy partner, makes the work WORTH IT!

PLEASE NOTE: your partner is abusive. Please don't take this. Not for the sake of partnership, marriage, your kids (if you have any), family, your dog or any other Tom, Dick or Harry. Please, your worth so much more. This is a very very  touchy subject, one of which I'm not really willing to dive into on my wee blog. Please seek help. There are many organizations out there, for men and women. You do not deserve it and are worthy of more. There is nothing wrong with you. Seek help and leave. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Just LEAVE. Also remember abuse comes in many forms. Verbal and physical. YOU ARE WORTHY OF MORE THEN THAT SHIT!

So you love yourself enough to recognize a partner worthy of the hard work. What happens if they aren't worth it? What happens if its not getting better? What happens if they aren't a willing participant in the effort your putting in??

Staying tuned for the next Marriage Monday!

Making a Marriage Work

I come from a home of multiple broken marriages. My husband comes from a home of broken marriages. Our families are made up of broken marriages. The fact that after 8 years we are still married, is HUGE. I don't think we have a perfect marriage, not by a long shot. 

We do get admired a lot.  I guess in this day in age, where a marriage can be as short as a one night stand (in fact, some marriages ARE one night stands!) 8 years are impressive years. I know some of you just getting married, or thinking about getting married still have your rose glasses on. I'm here to bitch slap them off your face. Marriage is tough work people. Tough work. There are ups and downs, there are spinning moments, there are times of pure frustration, there are days when you wake up and pray that they aren't there. There are also high times; times you lye awake in the dark talking about the future, there are days when you melt in your partners arms, sometimes you count the minutes until they get home. Marriage is like some kick ass roller coaster, really!

My husband and I started this journey in Grade 10! I knew even then that I would marry him. But grade 10 is too early for anything serious, so you know how that went! When we got our selves together 3 years later, we never looked back. I think the number one thing that has held us together all this time is FRIENDSHIP! My man servant is my best friend in the whole world. We make decisions mostly based on what we as friends would do. We also see this as a complete 100% partnership. We support each other, no matter how crazy the idea is. We're not afraid to cry, laugh and break down with each other. This is really important shit people. If you can't say and feel exactly what you need to, then your in the wrong relationship!  You need to be able to be honest, all the time with your spouse. Communicate. Always Communicate.

I'm going to be honest here. There is going to come a time, when you might not love your partner as you did in the beginning. This IS normal. Your past the huneymoon and working on the real shit. I'm not saying your going to stop loving your partner, I'm saying your love is going to change into something more mature. This is good. Really good. It means that your living, growing and changing with your partner. It means that your marriage is succeeding!

To me once you make a commitment to your partner, you make it for life. This is it. There is no turning back. Now if said partner fucked up royally and I had just cause, then yes kick him to the curb! But every day your going to have to work at this. Your going to have to give it your all. Your going to have to dig deep. EVERYDAY. There are no holidays in marriages. It's not going to be hard (well somedays will be) these are easy everyday things. Telling your spouse that you love them. Making them breakfast. Getting them a cup of coffee. Making the bed (if that floats there boat!) anything that might make your loved one, feel a little more loved. These little things, are also a great way to say sorry. If all your partner asks for is a kiss each morning, then do that! In time, you will know what your partner needs. 

There is a really really great book out there called The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman. It's a bit hokey in some areas. But the message is awesome. I've learned a lot from the book and it's filled with 'a ha!' moments. Pick it up, give it a look through. It will be worth the time.

okay dear reader, I think you get the message. Marriage can be wonderful and amazing. It can also be draining and tiring. It's most definitely hard work. It will be worth it. When you get to a point, where you run like a well oil machine. You will know how rewarding your hard work has been. Don't be frightened. It's all good!