I realize its Wednesday. Last week I really struggled with the post. It was really hard for me to write to you to leave your relationship. I believe in marriage and unity so much it was a fight to post those words. It was necessary for me to say them though. I felt it was important to tell you it was okay. I didn't know what to say this week. I really thought long and hard for this week, that's why its now Wednesday.
This week I'm telling you to fight. Hubby and I made a pact way back when I still had hips and he was still eating with hollow legs. To never give up on each other. To fight for each other no matter what. He may not remember, but I do. Even if he doesn't remember, I know he holds it in his heart. I know this because so many times I have fallen down. So many times I looked at him and he knew he better step up. So many times I have cried my face off and he knew this was his moment to carry me.
I'm telling you Dear Reader, that if your partner looks at you with those done eyes. And says to you that there is nothing left, you had better put on your armor and gear up for battle. This is your relationship. The one you've been working hard on (or should be!) You've been putting in the effort, the 110% everyday. You've pushed past the hard days and come out on top. Dear Reader, fight. Fight for love, for your partner, for yourself. Fight. If they can no longer find a reason to continue this relationship you had best be showing them the reason! If your partner can't see the light at the end of the tunnel you had better get them a flash light. If the pieces are falling apart around your partner; dear God man, grab a bag!
We are human. We are not perfect. We have moments of rock bottom. It is your job to hoist your partner up and carry them to the end. Your going to have to fight. Whatever that means. Therapy? flowers everyday? coffee on demand? let them hold the remote? Whatever that means, do it! don't even think twice, just do it. Do not for a moment say to your partner, 'your right, lets get this over with' not until you have fought the hard fight and done everything to make it work. Not for a moment do you have the right to wave the white flag until you have tried everything possible to win. Fight it out. Fight with every fiber of your being and with every ounce of love you have. Fight.
oh Dears, I wish I could say that was the end. But it's not. Because sometimes love can stand up, even with a good fight. Sometimes your partner can't be carried. Or fought for. Sometimes even with the toughest of fights, it's done. Here is where your really going to have to dig deep. Be the bigger person. For the last hurrah of this relationship your going to have to know when to walk away. Once you have fought and the white flag is out. Once you and your partner have agreed it's done. Then it's done. There is no point being an asshat and kicking the dead horse. If they want the pictures on your wall and the washer; is that going to kill you? If they want the kids every other weekend and share holidays is that really going to break you? Be sensible and reasonable!
Don't make the walking away harder then it needs to be. I know you're hurt. I know you're wounded. I know you want to inflict pain. I get that. In the end, what good is it to drag it out? sever the ties and let your partner loose. Do it for the love you once or still have. Settle your differences and move on with your life.
Now I'm in no way saying become a door mat. I'm not telling you to let your partner walk all over you. If they are trying to take away your kids, and steal your money and rob you of your humanity then for God sake steam roller them. You don't need that, and they are being the asshat!
Dear Reader, I know relationships are tricky. But there is someone out there worth the fight. If your with them, keep fighting. Everyday. Fight. They are worth it and so are you. In the end, if the fight is done. Then dust yourself off and pick up your pride. Know when to walk away. Know when to raise that white flag, before it gets ugly.
Knowing that the fight is done, doesn't make you a failure. You did NOT fail at this. Some fights just can't be won. It's okay to love your partner enough to let them go. Believe in yourself enough to know that there is someone better waiting for you.
Because Hubby and I's relationship can be summed up by matchbox 20, I'm including this...
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