Marriage Mondays

Accepting the End

Being a child of two divorces you better believe I'm doing everything in my power to stay married! With that said, I believe there does comes a point where two people can look at each other and agree that this isn't working. 

There are so many reasons why relationships fall apart. People grow up and sometimes that means growing apart.  You start wanting different things in life and before you know it, your done.  Maybe someone cheated. Maybe your partner is a true asshat and that isn't changing for anyone. Whatever the reason, relationships DO end.

I'm a firm believer that before you can say 'I'm done!' you need marriage counseling. Lots of it! I don't think two people can give up on anything before someone steps in and tries to mend the problems. With that said, the two people involved need to be willing to accept that change.

So you've done the counseling, you're all talked out. There is agreeably between the parties, nothing left. Its okay to walk away. It's okay to say, I deserve happiness. It's okay to end marriage. Like I said before, entering a partnership does not mean in anyway that you give up on your happiness. Please don't think I'm giving you permission here to toss out your partner because your 'not feeling it' I'm saying your going to hit a point where the talking isn't helping and there is no change a coming.  It's okay at this point to say 'finished'

There I've said it and I'll say it again,

It's okay to end marriage (I'm including all relationships in this!)

I wouldn't recommend divorce to anyone. But what is the point of staying in relationship that just can't be fixed??

Dear Reader there will be tears, lots of them. Tears of frustration, tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of hurt, tears of relief and tears just for the sake of emotion. There will probably also be a mourning process. For the loss of a relationship, the loss of a partner and the loss of a piece of you. These are all normal and healthy things!

Please know that your not a failure here. You tried. You did the counseling. You broke down the walls and communicated. You put in the work. You did your best. It didn't work. Time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Your going to have to be strong here. Not just for you, but for all parties involved.

Please don't think that you need to stay in a relationship because of the kids or because your mamma said. Don't stay because you think your a failure. Don't hang on because they are begging and pleading. Don't stick around because you think you have no other options.

If your done and you know in your heart that you are done. Its okay (as long as you put in the work!!!) to pack your bags and head out.

Who knows maybe after a break, love will come walking in your door again. Or maybe your partner will recognize the loss and try harder. Maybe you'll recognize the loss and try harder.

Your not a failure Dear Reader. This is just another chapter and you will come out stronger. You will see what you will and will not accept in a partner. You will recognize when your fire is being smothered. You will appreciate true and real love. All wonderful and awesome things.

Marriage IS hard work and you ARE worthy of a good partner. But if the hard work isn't paying off and your partner isn't giving you joy and happiness. It's okay to choose YOU in the end.