Making a Marriage Work

I come from a home of multiple broken marriages. My husband comes from a home of broken marriages. Our families are made up of broken marriages. The fact that after 8 years we are still married, is HUGE. I don't think we have a perfect marriage, not by a long shot. 

We do get admired a lot.  I guess in this day in age, where a marriage can be as short as a one night stand (in fact, some marriages ARE one night stands!) 8 years are impressive years. I know some of you just getting married, or thinking about getting married still have your rose glasses on. I'm here to bitch slap them off your face. Marriage is tough work people. Tough work. There are ups and downs, there are spinning moments, there are times of pure frustration, there are days when you wake up and pray that they aren't there. There are also high times; times you lye awake in the dark talking about the future, there are days when you melt in your partners arms, sometimes you count the minutes until they get home. Marriage is like some kick ass roller coaster, really!

My husband and I started this journey in Grade 10! I knew even then that I would marry him. But grade 10 is too early for anything serious, so you know how that went! When we got our selves together 3 years later, we never looked back. I think the number one thing that has held us together all this time is FRIENDSHIP! My man servant is my best friend in the whole world. We make decisions mostly based on what we as friends would do. We also see this as a complete 100% partnership. We support each other, no matter how crazy the idea is. We're not afraid to cry, laugh and break down with each other. This is really important shit people. If you can't say and feel exactly what you need to, then your in the wrong relationship!  You need to be able to be honest, all the time with your spouse. Communicate. Always Communicate.

I'm going to be honest here. There is going to come a time, when you might not love your partner as you did in the beginning. This IS normal. Your past the huneymoon and working on the real shit. I'm not saying your going to stop loving your partner, I'm saying your love is going to change into something more mature. This is good. Really good. It means that your living, growing and changing with your partner. It means that your marriage is succeeding!

To me once you make a commitment to your partner, you make it for life. This is it. There is no turning back. Now if said partner fucked up royally and I had just cause, then yes kick him to the curb! But every day your going to have to work at this. Your going to have to give it your all. Your going to have to dig deep. EVERYDAY. There are no holidays in marriages. It's not going to be hard (well somedays will be) these are easy everyday things. Telling your spouse that you love them. Making them breakfast. Getting them a cup of coffee. Making the bed (if that floats there boat!) anything that might make your loved one, feel a little more loved. These little things, are also a great way to say sorry. If all your partner asks for is a kiss each morning, then do that! In time, you will know what your partner needs. 

There is a really really great book out there called The 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman. It's a bit hokey in some areas. But the message is awesome. I've learned a lot from the book and it's filled with 'a ha!' moments. Pick it up, give it a look through. It will be worth the time.

okay dear reader, I think you get the message. Marriage can be wonderful and amazing. It can also be draining and tiring. It's most definitely hard work. It will be worth it. When you get to a point, where you run like a well oil machine. You will know how rewarding your hard work has been. Don't be frightened. It's all good!

2 years ago..a birthday post

My pregnancies are always eventful. Early labor pains (as early as 20 weeks!) big babies and low amnio fluid..to name a few!

My pregnancy to Luigi-our last baby, was no different. Labor pains started around mid July and I wasn't due until October! I thought I might be a bit further ahead then the doctors thought. It's really a shot in the dark to guess a due date. They think they have it down to a science; but really, only God knows. As the months grew on, the pains grew worse. It got to the point where I was begging my Doctor to induce me. Well, my Doctor is of the old school variety and knows that inducing before 38 weeks is dangerous. Any way, I labored on...going to the hospital every couple of weeks, to make sure it wasn't the real deal.

The night of September the 13th, I felt things a little different. I was counting my contractions, they were every 5 minutes. They weren't getting stronger, but they were every 5 minutes. I walked a little around the house. I was thinking about going for a walk with the dog. Decided I better stay home. My hubby thought I was nuts. In fact at midnight when I told him that this might be the real deal his word were 'what time is it?' upon producing the time he then said 'huney it's too early, I need sleep..go back to bed' I guess when your on baby number 3 you loose urgency.

Finally at 1:30 am, I called L&D. The lovely nurse told me, that she didn't have an answer and to come in and get checked out (again!) okay...
I hate bothering people, but finally at 2am, I called my mum.

by 2:30 I was at the hospital with the news 'it could be labor, walk around and we'll see if you make progress' in a half hour of walking I had progressed 1-2 cm. This was the day!

I was admitted and at 6:30am a lovely on call Dr came in and gave me the best words ever. 'I'm going to break your water' What I failed to tell anyone at this point dear reader, was that my labor was starting to stall. I knew if I went home and carried on, baby would stay put. Which at 36 weeks, is normally a good thing. Dear reader, I had been having labor pains since 20 weeks...there was no way I was missing this chance!

I got an epidural around 8 and Hubby left around 8:30 to get himself coffee. He should know better. If I would of known how fast our little joy would come 1) I wouldn't have gotten the epi and 2) I wouldn't of let hubby go. 9am I told the nurse, the baby is coming. She called hubby on his cell to get his ass back up..baby was coming. My lovely Dr (who worked across the rd from the hospital) had just checked me at 8:50ish and said 'you have lots of time' I love making him work.

Anyway, 9am-ish Hubby is now running (with coffee in hand!) up to my room. I'm prepped and the nurse said..your a 9, baby is coming. I tell her to fuck off, get my dr back and the baby is coming now. Seriously people, I swear through labor like no lady should ever swear. In a few short contractions I am a 10 and baby is coming.
Then the nurse gives the words you hate to hear 'you can't push, hold it until Dr s arrives. Try breathing using the word House. Slowly now'
Right so I start 'slowly breathing using the word house'-wink wink my technique was more like OUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSEOUSE. Like a mad china man. Finally my Dr comes back running he asks 'what are you doing, I just checked you' I reply 'waiting for your fucking ass again. I'm always waiting for you asshole' oh yea I'm still saying that damn house word! he tells me to stop now. I say 'Thank fucking God, I hate that fucking word'

Anyway, after a few more choice words I pushed out a beautiful 8 pound 8 oz baby boy. My beautiful baby boy. Dear Reader, no less then a year before, I had lost my precious twin girls. In an instant it felt like the world was right again. My wonderful Dr let him rest on my belly for almost a half hour before he was cleaned up and checked out. Le sigh.

As you all may know, this one is special. Luigi is my favorite. The apple of my eye. I hate to have favorites. But this one was so easy. He was easy to love, I felt an immediate bond (which I did not feel with the Princess) he was so happy and only cried for the necessary reasons (unlike Mario, who hasn't stopped crying). I was an experienced mum, who was confident in the decisions I was making. Although he is trouble, and we often call him monster baby. He does so much to make it right. He does so much to make you know that although he causes trouble, he loves you..so very much.

On this day of celebration, I feel so blessed to have my little Luigi. Every day I'm woken up by his screaming, followed by a kiss and a huge hug. Every night, I lay him down...he reaches up his feet so I can give them a rub and a kiss. These are the things that I love most. I love the smell of his hair and the way he says 'see you mamma' or the way he says 'bye bye sissy' when we drop her off at school. I love the way he is all boy and loves all thing rough and tumble. I love the way he is always so happy. His joie de vivre is contagious!

Happy birthday my sweet baby. You are loved more then you'll ever know!
xo

September 11th-10 years

Let us remember today. Let us pray for those who lost their lives and for those who will spend a life time grieving. Let us remember that we are ALL human and we're all made equal in the eyes of God.

This is not a day for my God is better then your God. This isn't a day to dwell on the war. This isn't a day to blame. This is a day for thanks. Thanks that we are alive, thanks for those that have survived and thanks for those fighting.

We are all human; no matter the skin color or the God that we believe. We are human and live on this planet together.

Spend a few quiet moments today reflecting.

I pray that we see an end soon. There has been too much blood shed already.

Stay safe world. Stay safe.

xo

Big Money

Today I am stepping on my soap box and ranting for just a minute. I don't rant often-I bitch. Today I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah at the The healthy home economist. For some reason it just set me off. I'm all for eating well. I'm all for eating right. I know that half of the food we eat comes from shit companies that don't give a rats ass about it's customers. I know that the world is run by big money. The dairy industry and the meat industry make the world go round. They do and if you don't believe me then you need to open your eyes and do some research. I think as a person, it's your right to research and know where your food is coming from and make educated decision based on what you know and what you feel. Now with that said; if you think and feel that your family should eat Nestle and Kelloggs, then go for it. I will never, nor should anyone ever tell you what you should and shouldn't eat.

I really want you to be educated. I want you to read and know your food and know where it comes from. I know from research and lots of it, what is the best type of food for my family. It's about going to your local farm shop, It's about supporting your local farmer, it's stopping getting out the ready made chicken fingers and french fries and making your kids something real! It's about getting down to your roots and cooking with the heart of Laura Ingalls Wilder. I know though, that this is not always possible and can be down right expensive!

I hate with a passion people who make you feel that the choices that you are making for you and your family are the wrong choices. These are YOUR choices, I may not agree with them...but Fuck man I don't have to live with it!

Be educated, read, read, read and read some more. Know your food and know where it's coming from. But please, for the love of Jebus..never EVER let someone tell you that your choices are wrong!

Rant over...jebus

xo

Why I f'n hate driving in this country

1) I drive a Land Rover Discovery
2) the roads were built for mini's
3) Signs are always unclear
4) I am a short person that drives a car clearly built for some asshole on stilts
5) I have a short fuse
6) I always end up having to do 24 point turns in alley ways

Simple task 'take kids to swimming'. I have to leave at least 40 minutes early the first time because of said points above. Case in point today; Get to school where swimming lessons were located. Where to park? oh over there! Sign pointed to small alley way at the back of the school for visitors parking. No actually some fuckwad turned said sign and it was actually supposed to point to staff and area parking. I went down the alley way in my Land Rover Discovery. Clearly, this was not where I was supposed to be, after it was too late. I had to do a 24 point turn in between some little shits left over art project and two WM bins (short shout out here to my WM peeps...hayoo!) while two men in a red lorry waited for me to turn my ass back where I came from. Now my fuse is smoking and I'm cursing words not meant for little kids (do you sense a theme here? Clearly I was meant to be a sailor) Park in a tight spot where ever the fuck I wanted to, cause at this point..what's a ticket?! Only later it occurred to me that I might of gotten towed! On the way to parking I decided to hit the curb.

I really do hate driving in this country. I'm pretty sure it's God laughing again. Remind some time to tell you of me stopping a whole intersection of traffic while I made my own lane because I got lost and confused and turned into on coming traffic...yes dear reader, another day on the road with me.

Back to school

Well today is the day! The kids are back in school and ready to get going on another year!

This summer was long and tiring and long! The kids were actually at a point where they didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Pj's were taking on a uniform at our house and trying to take the kids anywhere was beginning to wear on us all! Don't get me wrong, I like having the kids with me at home...to a point. But the kids get up at 6am every morning...by 10am, your racking your brain as to what to do next!

We did have an okay summer, we got to France and the kids and I managed to do a few day trips on our own. With no family and friends around, the summer just went on and on though. The weather was shitacular, with only a handful of days that made you want to go outside and do anything. My only real saving grace this summer was a wonderful mum that I met at preschool. Every Wednesday we would get together and let all the kids play...

I really can't believe I'm sitting here, and it's September. There is so much coming up in the next 10 months, I'm wondering if July is going to hit and I'm going to scratch my head wondering 'where the hell did the school year go?!' There are birthdays to celebrate, Christmas to enjoy, a new year to ring in, family to welcome, mini breaks to take, and decisions to make. Life will roll on, and bring in the ever changing seasons. Family will settle in for (hopefully!) weeks of gatherings. Life will continue to get dusty. The children will get older. We'll count down the months until we figure out our next move.

So much happens so quickly. Did you blink and miss summer too?

Welcome back to school kids! (North Americans good luck tomorrow!)

xo

The Words you want to hear

Today's post is brought to you by the letter B, for Bruno and M for Mars......

I love this song. I really do. There is so much to love and really nothing to hate (okay maybe the almost perfect bitch  girl in the video). It got me thinking. How often Dear Reader are you told that your beautiful? I'm not being gender specific here. Boys, girls, whomever....

This is a lovely song. It's the words your heart wants to hear...do you hear them?

I'm probably going to get myself in trouble here...but whatever, I'm not trying to say leave your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm trying to say, are you told your beautiful? Does your loved one make an effort to let you know how special you really are? Do you know that you deserve it?

I know a lot of people that can't show that kinda emotion. I know that sometimes people are incapable of saying lovely words to their partners...but you should be able to know it, everyday..

If you are sitting here right now reading these words and your not 'told' (however your partner can tell you) that your beautiful and amazing and perfect. Then your in the wrong relationship. Pack your bag and leave, kick that person to the curb. 'WHAT?!' 'It's not that easy' 'but they love me in so many other ways'. Okay Okay, if like me you've been in a relationship since Jesus carved wood...you can't possibly  get up and leave on account of a few emotions not being shared. But it is important, don't you think?

Don't you think that you right now dear beautiful reader, should know how truly amazing you are? Don't you think your partner should know too? I won't have you settling for less my loves. You deserve years of happiness and kindness. You deserve to be treated like the divine beings you are. There shall be no foul play in your relationship....love yourself enough to know what you deserve. Love yourself enough to say, ' I deserve better'.

Dear Reader, I love you all and you are all dear to me. I want you to know that you are amazing, and beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Dare you to look yourself in the mirror and utter those words...Dee double dare you.

Don't settle. Never Settle. Be strong in who you are. Hold your head up and have confidence to say 'I deserve to be told


When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are. 


xo